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Dos and Don’ts of Presidential Fashion

This article, which by no means was payed by the most glorious Illuminati, describes the best practices in Executive fashion for political leaders. After reading this article you will reach the answers to immutable questions such as: What determines the achievement of international agreements? How can a country be respected and their inhabitants blatantly fooled? How can you fool everyone–in everyting and all the time? Presidential fashion is the answer to all your problems: follow these simple rules and you will subdue your people and foreing leaders in no time!


Teach me everything QP, now!

Your image: Elegance is prime.

Deviations from a suit or a righteous “guayabera” can only end in ridicule and economical stagnation.

Don’t: Take the example of Mr. Vicente Fox (a mocked mexican ex-president): Suit and boots? Pfffff! His democratic credibility plummeted from that moment on. And have you seen Mr. Evo Morales and his “festive” attire? Not even Chavez or Maduro wanted a photo with him!

Do: Be stylish, be elegant (take care of your hair, moustache…). Politicians represent people and, accordingly, they must always look like “a million votes.” But many leaders cannot be elegant due to their gut, age or skin colour (anything different than “super white” is ugly, we all know that). However, aging is an andvantage of an entirely different kind: gut and age can be presented as the “homely wisdom” that only grandpas have. For instance, Mr. Juan Carlos de Borbón knows that and he mantains the lovely-old-man image of someone you can trust.

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The power: Never bald; but if so, display your manhood.

Hair is the measure of a nation’s fertility.

Don’t: Hair is everything, youth, puissance, women and will. Lose it and you can only land a bad job and a bad wife. Politicians are well aware of this: Mr. Clinton, Mr. Peña Nieto, Mr. Castro or Mr. Evo Morales base their strategy on that. Who can remember a bald leader? Mr Berlusconi? No! Is better to get hair implants than falling in the terrible path of  Calderón  and all those leaders walking the path to oblivion.

Do: If you seek and executive office you have to be well aware that there is a relationship betweeen hair and fertility. Voters will not be gentle with bald leaders. Unless… they represent the ultimate Evil. Take in account Mr. Salinas de Gorari and Mr. Putin: only by iron fisted policies, privatizing state enterprises and conquering lesser oponents such as union leaders or bears they can thrive in the equation that compares manhood to national determination.

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The public: Ladies love heartbreakers; men fear Tax Hags.

Young and handsome looks define periods of prosperity and peace; old aunt looks define periods of austerity and war.

Don’t:  In a similar note, let’s remember that no successful woman in the history of government has been a benevolent leader. In war and opression, the femenine government excels: no subsidy is left untouched. Government ladies must choose only one attire: The Imperial. May they reign as iron ladies in an Elizabethan corsé. Thatcher, Meier, Dilma and Cristina will treat you (man or woman) as a ballot and as a cash cow till you run dry.

Do: Make no mistake: handsome leaders are beloved and always will be. Mr. Kennedy and Mr. Peña can be sure that their place in history will be remembered… by the wifes of their voters. Mr. Clinton exhibited in a scandal? No problem, is better to know that a man can handle the “situation”.


The world: Always mistreat the unfashionable leaders.

International relations are the history of the rule of the fashionable strong over those that do not dress for the challenge.

Don’t: Meek, graysuited and phyisically diminished leaders must be undermined by the elegant leader. A straight posture and confronting visage will always be respected. But kindness and charity will be trampled under the foot of the strong.

Do: If you are The Chavez make fun of less potent leaders like Evo Morales. If you are Mr. Putin, display your macho stance before Obama the Sweet. Nobody will ever question your rule; however, the meek leader will crumble. This is the Provider, the Lover, the Aristocrat that rises from the rabble of their fellow presidents.


Love and such: Do not fall in excess!

There is much to hide under the gold and flash than under a plain garment.

Don’t: A peacock posture in international relations is severely punished by the media. Some people are presented as “the sexiest men alive”, but in reality this is a farse and pundit talk. Beliving this and presenting yourself as a leader of glamourus proportions may be bad.  If you excede, you can end as Mr. Kim Jong Un, whose every demonstration of power is percived as a phallic compensation.

Do: Moderation in fashion will be rewarded. The News may even note the contents of your speeches! If you really want to excell over your fellows, find an attractive lover and say you did not wanted the thing, but it got into you.


Someone has very small shoes

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