Quen Pompó

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How to take advantage of the Mexican workers in the US

Taking advantage of the mexican workers in the US is one of the easier things in life (well perhaps not as easy as taking advantage of a worker form Africa). Believe us, we have been there (twice a year for many years). Quen Pompó offers you gringos five strategies to exploit your workers efficiently without them ever noticing it!

1) Mention the Virgen de Guadalupe when assigning a job that requires to be very careful or is too heavy and boring: “This tax accounting will help the community to build a temple for the Virgen de Guadalupe“. You can justify anything mentioning the Virgen de Guadalupe. Mexican catholicism is quite lax about sin and anything will be forgiven if you beg enough for mercy. For example, if you whiplash your Mexican for showing up late (we know you do) and he laters sees you crying before the Virgen de Guadalupe, he will forgive you.

You can also buy them Guadalupe-themed outfit. They’ll greatly appreciate it.

2) When you need to ask for a special favor, ask questions about the worker’s mother. The Mexicans love their mother even more than burritos and their own life. Say something like: “You cook as well as your mother, can you cook some huevos con chorizo for me like those she used to make?” Mexicans have more than any other people in the whole world a deep depedency on their mother. Usually, their mothers are more important to them than their wives or themselves. Capitalize this.

Typical Mexican with his mother

3) Do not threat them with la migra, that will only scare them and they may even leave without notice. You should better remind them that, as long as they work hard and good, you will vote democrat and support the innmigrant laws. You will gain their respect and good will, and they won’t flee to better paying jobs.

4) Give your mexican workers a time to watch football on TV as a reward for a good work. If you want them to work twice as much, buy a six-pack of Coronas and tell them there will be more if the work is done before the deadline and if Mexico wins. Mexico never wins, so don’t worry about buying more beer.

No one has become rich betting on Mexico. Ever.

5) Place images of santitos arround your house or factory. Mexicans will work better if they feel protected by the images. Just be careful to avoid Jesús Malverde (the narcosanto), unless you are a dealer (because it will also protect you).

The ruling santito in Mexican cosmovision

Bonus: As you may have noticed, Mexicans have a tendency to believe in supernatural nonsense very easily. So, you can have a good time pranking them with ghosts, legends about vampires and crap like that.

Strange animals will work. A lot of Mexicans were freaked out by this “lion”.

Note: to any gringos out there this is perhaps the best result you will have with these strategies.

Fast facts:

  • According to the INEGI, the official Mexican statistics and disinformation agency, 95% of male Mexicans place their mothers above anything.
  • Also, 99% believe that the Mexican team will get into the FIFA World Cup final match.
  • Mexicans really hate hot food, but they use it as a plan to reconquer the south of the US by killing gringos with gastric ulcers.
  • Mexican soap operas once ruled the world in the 90s and will do so again, sometime.
  • Migrants to the US are considered traitors by the Mexican government and will face long sentences if they return home.
  • The latest fashion trend you should consider is wearing the Mexican pointy boots, coming to your nearest Macy’s soon.


Samuel Gomez dice:

Pensé que estaba leyendo las líneas para el stand up comedy de George Lopez, pero por la redacción en inglés, creo que es un intento de crossover de Eugenio Derbez. Tus aproximaciones sobre la situación de los mexicanos son tan acertadas como las de la nueva serie producida por Eva Longoria (Devious Maids). Mi recomendación es que intentes mejor danza contemporánea.

el loco dice:

¡No mames, te llamas Samuel Gómez!

[…] llegó usted a este sitio por su alto contenido cultural, científico, educativo y pro-ciudadano. Ahora está usted leyendo un artículo parte de mi columna […]

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